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College Football Week 4 Awards 2016 September 25, 2016

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(Note:  All rankings are current AP [week 4] unless otherwise noted.)

COACHES

Wish I were him: Butch Jones, Tennessee

Glad I’m not him: Mark Dantonio, Michigan State

Lucky guy: Guz Malzahn, Auburn

Poor guy: Jim Mora, UCLA   (Hon. Mention:  Les Miles)

Desperately seeking a wake-up call: Butch Jones, Tennessee

Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Mike MacIntyre, Colorado

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Kirby Smart, Georgia

Desperately seeking … anything:  Brian Kelly, Notre Dame

TEAMS

Thought you’d kick butt, you did: Houston (defeated Texas State 64-3)

Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: Mississippi State (defeated UMass 47-35)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Kent State (lost to No. 1 Alabama 48-0)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t:  UMass (lost to Mississippi State 47-35)

Thought you wouldn’t kick butt, you did:  Troy (defeated New Mexico State 52-6)

Dang, they’re good: Houston

Dang, they’re bad:  UTEP

Can’t Stand Prosperity:  Michigan State

Did the season start?  Oregon

Can the season end?  USC

Can the season never endMichigan

GAMES

Play this again:  No. 24 Utah 31, USC 27

Play this again, too:  No. 7 Stanford 22, UCLA 13

Never play this again: Missouri 79, Delaware State 0

What? Purdue 24, Nevada 14

HuhNo. 23 Ole Miss 45, No. 12 Georgia 14

Double-Huh? Colorado 41, Oregon 38

Are you kidding me?  Duke 38, Notre Dame 35

Oh – my – GodNo. 11 Wisconsin 30, No. 8 Michigan State 6

NEXT WEEK

(rankings are current AP (post-week 4, pre-week 5) T

icket to die for: No. 3 Louisville @ No. 5 Clemson

Also: No. 8 Wisconsin @ No. 4 Michigan

Keep an eye on this one, too: No. 7 Stanford @ No. 10 Washington

Best non-Power Five vs. Power Five matchup: Memphis @ No. 16 Ole Miss

Best non-Power Five matchup: Navy @ Air Force; also: South Florida @ Cincinnati

Upset alert: North Carolina @ No. 12 Florida State

Must win: Oklahoma @ No. 21 TCU

Offensive explosion: No. 22 Texas @ Oklahoma State

Defensive struggle: Northwestern @ Iowa

Great game no one is talking about: Kansas State @ West Virginia

Intriguing coaching matchup: Chris Petersen of Washington vs. David Shaw of Stanford

Also: Dabo Swinney of Clemson vs. Bobby Petrino of Louisville

Who’s bringing the body bags? UConn @ No. 6 Houston

Why are they playing? Alcorn State @ No. 20 Arkansas

Plenty of good seats remaining: Akron @ Kent State

They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? Incarnate Word @ Texas State

Week 4 Take-aways:

A premonition last week gave me that idea that, while many matchups this week did not exactly shine with prestige (or did they?), they were nevertheless competitive and engaging. The examples are rather numerous. The USC-Utah game on Friday was one such example. The Trojans led most of the way, but the Utes triumphed in the end, 31-27. LSU at Auburn developed into a relatively low-scoring affair (plus, no matter the outcome, we were guaranteed that the Tigers would win!). A quirk in clock management led to the War Eagles winning over the Bayou Bengals, and thus brought a sudden end to the Les Miles era in Baton Rouge. Where LSU will go from here is anybody’s guess, but they do now have carte blanche to hire Art Briles, who is currently unemployed.

Tennessee seemed to finally learn to close the deal in a big game. Last year at this time, they gave up some heartbreakers to big-name teams, though they led the majority of those games (namely, Oklahoma and Florida). To make the situation murkier, they played inconsistently in their wins this year prior to yesterday. Even during the first half, they were clearly off rhythm, and the Gators led at the half, 21-3. All that changed in the second half. The Volunteers came out an entirely different team, executing effectively, and scoring, seemingly, at will, while Florida only scored a touchdown for that entire half. Now that the Vols have proven they can “close the deal,” they need to prove they can effectively play a good first half as well as a good second. Once they do, they’ll be one of the best teams in football. As things currently stand, Tennessee seems to have a clear path to the SEC East berth of their conference’s championship game.

That path was opened all the wider after then-No. 12 Georgia embarrassed themselves on the road to then-No. 23 Ole Miss. Sure, the Rebels are a good team, but the Bulldogs made them look like world-beaters. Couple this with the fact that Mark Richt did not leave the team’s talent cupboard bare, and this seriously calls into question the wisdom in hiring Kirby Smart as his replacement.

Speaking of questionable hires, Kentucky won over South Carolina in a contest of ineptitude on both sides of the ball. Mark Stoops’ days are clearly numbered in Lexington, despite all of his hiring hype from a few years ago. But Will Muschamp is the new hire in Columbia. As I have previously inquired, what sense does it make to hire a coach who failed with the talent at Florida, only to bring him into a program with less talent and less of a recruiting pipeline? Indeed, the South Carolina-Georgia border rivalry game might as well be dubbed the clash of the two coaching hire trainwrecks (in the making). But in the meantime, the Bulldogs have no time to lick their wounds, as they play Tennessee next week.

In a good game that was on nobody’s radar screen, Purdue actually beat an opponent with some degree of credibility in Nevada. In what seemed, on paper to be a lop-sided matchup, South Florida acquitted themselves well against Florida State, losing only 55-35.

On the other side of the proverbial coin was Wisconsin at Michigan State. The then-No. 11 Badgers embarrassed the then-No. 8 Spartans, 30-6. Sparty is lucky to remain ranked after such a drubbing, and this loss certainly does not make Notre Dame look any better after the drubbing they suffered at MSU’s hands.

Speaking of Notre Dame, head coach Brian Kelly fired his defensive coordinator after the Fighting Irish lost, at home, to Duke. Yes, Duke. But be not fooled: the Blue Devils are a respectable team, thanks to the patient building of head coach David Cutcliffe. Those “in the know” anticipated a decent game regardless of the outcome.

On the west coast, the competition was more than decent between Stanford and home team UCLA. The Bruins led most of the game. The Cardinal did not score the go-ahead touchdown until fewer than 30 seconds remained in regulation. The last six points to add to their margin came on a fluke. UCLA’s QB attempted a “Hail Mary” pass, but a Stanford defensive linemen forced a fumble instead before successfully running the ball back for another score with 0:00 left on the play clock. Notwithstanding the fluke score, it was a very good game.

Another good game for much of the duration was the Texas A&M vs. Arkansas game. The game was hard-fought on both sides, but as the game progressed, the Aggies played better and better. All this talk about Coach Kevin Sumlin being on the hot seat seem a overblown at least and more than a tad premature at worst, as A&M is now ranked No. 9 in the AP Poll, with more great SEC West matchups remaining.

Two other close, hard-fought games that relatively few people noticed: BYU vs. West Virginia (the Mountaineers won, 35-32) and Pitt vs. North Carolina (the Tarheels won that close one, 37-36). As previously observed, the entire day consisted of close games, top, bottom, and middle.

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2015-2016 Bowl Games Preview December 15, 2015

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What used to be the “most wonderful week of the year” has become the most wonderful two weeks of the year.  The bowl game lineup has reach an all-time high of 40.  Diminishing returns, anyone?

But that aside, here are some upcoming highlights and low-lights (note that all times are EASTERN time):

Tickets to Die For:

No. 4 Oklahoma (11-1) vs. No. 1 Clemson (13-0) in the Capital One Orange Bowl, Dec. 31, 4:00 PM

The Tigers are the No. 1 team, while the Sooners are the hottest of the four teams in the playoffs.  More intriguingly, this will be a rematch from the Russell Athletic Bowl of last year.

No. 3 Michigan State (12-1) vs. No. 2 Alabama (12-1) in the Goodyear Cotton Bowl, Dec. 31, 8 PM

The Crimson Tide has the postseason experience, but the Spartans have passed every major test over the past three years.  Moreover, the two teams are practically a mirror-image of each other.

Best non-Power Five vs. Power Five matchup:

Auburn (6-6) vs. Memphis (9-3) in the Birmingham Bowl, Dec. 30, 12:00 PM

Auburn needs this win to validate their lousy season.  Memphis needs this win to validate the best season arguably in the history of the program.  Thus, this also doubles as a Must-Win.

No. 18 Houston (12-1) vs. No. 9 Florida State (10-2) in the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl, Dec. 31, 12 PM

The Cougars are going to their first decent bowl game in decades, while the Seminoles might via the Peach Bowl as a come-down after recent BCS/playoff berths.  Thus, this also doubles as an Upset Alert.

Best non-Power Five matchups:

San Diego State (10-3) vs. Cincinnati (7-5) in the Hawai’i Bowl, Dec. 24, 8:00 PM

Rocky Long has continued the deceptive strong program built by Brady Hoke in San Diego, while Tommy Tuberville’s Bearcats are never to be underestimated.

Western Kentucky (11-2) vs. South Florida (8-4) in the Miami Beach Bowl, Dec. 21, 2:30 PM

The Hilltoppers have proven to be strong all year, while the Bulls have performed very strongly as of late.  The record comparison may look lop-sided, but let not that fool us, for it shall be a close game.

Intriguing Coaching Match-ups:

Kevin Sumlin of Texas A&M vs. Bobby Petrino of Louisville in the Music City Bowl.

One leads one of the most progressive offenses in the SEC.  The other is one of the best offensive minds in the game.  The irony?  Do not expect an offensive explosion.

Mark Dantonio of Michigan State vs. Nick Saban of Alabama in the Cotton Bowl.

As mentioned previously, the two teams are practically mirror-images of the other.

Urban Meyer of Ohio State vs. Brian Kelly of Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl, Fri., Jan. 1, 1:00 PM

Two of THE best coaches in the game, going head-to-head?  Yes, please!

Larry Fedora of No. 10 North Carolina vs. Art Briles of No. 17 Baylor in the Russell Athletic Bowl, Dec. 29, 5:30 PM

Potentially THE most underrated bowl game of the postseason, provided that both teams show up.

Rumble in the Phone Booth:

No. 6 Stanford (11-2) vs. No. 5 Iowa (12-1) in the Rose Bowl, Jan. 1, 5:00 PM

Both teams have great running games, meaning that this should be a dream for fans of old-fashioned, smash-mouth football.  The question becomes, will we be “looking LIVE in Pasadena, Calif., folks”?

Rematches, Anyone?

No. 13 Northwestern (10-2) vs. No. 23 Tennessee (8-4) in the Outback Bowl, Jan. 1, 12:00 PM

Recall the 1997 Citrus Bowl?

No. 16 Oklahoma State (10-2) vs. No. 12 Mississippi (9-3) in the Sugar Bowl, Jan. 1, 8:30 PM

Recall the 2004 Cotton Bowl?  This time, the results could be reversed.

Upset Alerts:

No. 18 Houston (12-1) vs. No. 9 Florida State (10-2) in the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl, Dec. 31, 12 PM

The Cougars are going to their first decent bowl game in decades, while the Seminoles might view the Peach Bowl as a come-down after recent BCS/playoff berths.

Offensive Explosion:

No. 15 Oregon (9-3) vs. No. 11 TCU (10-2) in the Valero Alamo Bowl, Jan. 2, 6:45 pm

Ah, Alamo Bowl, you never fail to entertain!

Defensive Struggle:

No. 14 Michigan (9-3) vs. No. 19 Florida (10-3) in the Citrus Bowl, Jan. 1, 1:00 PM

The Citrus Bowl came back!  That aside, the Gators have excelled at making games low-scoring, win or lose.  Regardless, Jim Harbaugh’s Wolverines will be prepared, and should end up victorious in the end.  Also, the matchup of first-year coaches Harbaugh and Jim McElwain is intriguing unto itself.

Great Games No One Is Talking About:

Ohio (8-4) vs. Appalachian State (10-2) in the Raycom Media Camelia Bowl, 5:30 PM

They play this in Montgomery, Ala., in case you were wondering.  The Mountaineers are making their FBS bowl debut against a decent Bobcats team.

No. 24 Temple (10-3) vs. Toledo (9-2) in the Marmot Boca Raton Bowl, 7:00 PM

The Owls have proven to be a good team, while the Rockets did beat Arkansas.  It’s not a wash, but it should be a close game.

Not Sure What to Make of This One:

UCLA (8-4) vs. Nebraska (5-7) in the Foster Farms Bowl, 9:15 PM

The Cornhuskers are the second team listed here with a 5-7 record.  That said, they are better than their record suggests, and, more importantly as far as the bowl committee is concerned, their fans will TRAVEL.

Think there is enough dark blue and gold?

Pittsburgh (8-4) vs. No. 21 Navy (10-2) in the Military Bowl, Dec. 28, 2:30 PM

Why Are They Playing?

Connecticut (6-6) vs. Marshall (9-3) in the St. Petersburg Bowl, Sat., Dec. 26, 11:00 AM

UConn is bowl eligible?  That alone is an insult to Marshall, which is actually a decent team.

Plenty of Good Seats Remaining:

San Jose State (5-7) vs. Georgia State (6-6) in the Cure Bowl, Sat., Dec. 19, 7:00 PM

As if Orlando, Fla., did not have enough bowl games, they came up with this one.  The Spartans are one of three teams with a 5-7 record but are still going bowling.  Meanwhile, the Panthers are only 6-6, meaning that this is a classic example of a garbage bowl game.

They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

Central Michigan (7-5) vs. Minnesota (5-7) in the Quick Lane Bowl, Mon., Dec. 28, 5:00 PM

This is the latest iteration of what used to be the Little Caesars Bowl (still at Ford Field in Detroit).  The Golden Gophers are the third team that is 5-7 and yet still bowl eligible.  I can hear Fox Sports’ Colin Cowherd mocking this bowl matchup right now.

Week 6 College Football Awards October 6, 2014

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OleMissvBama2014(Note: All rankings are current AP [week 6] unless otherwise noted.)

COACHES
Wish I were him: Dan Mullen, Mississippi State

Wish I were him, too: Hugh Freeze, Ole Miss

Glad I’m not him: Kevin Sumlin, Texas A&M
Lucky guy: Will Muschamp, Florida

Poor guy: Butch Jones, Tennessee
Desperately seeking a wake-up clue: Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Jim McElwain, Colorado State

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Les Miles, LSU
Desperately seeking … anything: Brady Hoke, Michigan

TEAMS
Thought you’d kick butt, you did: No. 1 Florida State  (beat Wake Forest 43-3)
Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: No. 1 Florida State (defeated NC State 56-41)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Maryland (lost to No. 20 Ohio State 52-24)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t: Northwestern (defeated No. 17 Wisconsin 20-14)
Thought you wouldn’t kick butt, you did: No. 5 Auburn (defeated No. 18 LSU 41-7)

Dang, they’re good: Auburn
Dang, they’re bad: Florida Atlantic

You know, they’re not so bad: Utah
Can’t Stand Prosperity: UCLA

Did the season start? Tennessee
Can the season end? Michigan
Can the season never end? Ole Miss and Mississippi State

GAMES
Play this again:  No. 11 Ole Miss 23, No. 1 Alabama 17

Play this again, too: Utah 30, No. 8 UCLA 28
Never play this again: Clemson 41, NC State 0

What? No. 12 Mississippi State 48, No. 6 Texas A&M 31

Huh? No. 25 TCU 37, No. 4 Oklahoma 33
Are you kidding me? Arizona 31, No. 2 Oregon 24
Oh – my – God: No. 11 Ole Miss 23, No. 3 Alabama 17

NEXT WEEK

(rankings are current AP (post-week 6, pre-week 7)
Ticket to die for: No. 2 Auburn @ No. 3 Mississippi State

Best non-Power Five vs. Power Five matchup: Cincinnati @ Miami
Best non-Power Five matchup: BYU @ Central Florida

Upset alert: No. 3 Ole Miss @ No. 12 Texas A&M

Must win: Texas vs. No. 11 Oklahoma in Dallas

Offensive explosion: Washington @ California

Defensive struggle: LSU @ Florida
Great game no one is talking about: Louisville @ Clemson

Intriguing coaching matchup: Gary Patterson of TCU vs. Art Briles of Baylor

Who’s bringing the body bags? Chattanooga @ Tennessee (also, No. 9 Michigan State @ Purdue)

Why are they playing? Charleston Southern @ Vanderbilt

Plenty of good seats remaining: Buffalo @ Eastern Michigan

They shoot horses, don’t they?  Louisiana-Monroe @ Kentucky

 

Week 6 Random Thoughts:

  • In all the years I have followed college football closely (two decades and counting), I honestly cannot recall a weekend where the top-ten rankings were turned upside-down with upsets. Indeed, upsets abounded all over the place. To wit, Thursday night, Arizona went into noisy Autzen Stadium and upset the No. 2 Oregon Ducks. Friday night, Utah State beat deceptively-tough No. 18 BYU. Then on Saturday during the noon timeslot, Mississippi State finally earned a big win over a top-ten opponent in Texas A&M. Following that, Ole Miss beat No. 3 Alabama. The last time the Rebels went 5-0, John F. Kennedy was in the White House. If that is not enough, TCU went into Norman, Okla., and upset the Sooners. Let us not forget that out on the West Coast, unranked Utah upset No. 8 UCLA out in the Rose Bowl. So, just so everybody is up to speed, the No. 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8-ranked teams all went down.
  • Regarding Purdue’s win on the road at Illinois, it remains inconclusive as to whether or not the Boilermakers have improved that much since stinking out the joint against Iowa on homecoming weekend, or if the Illini are even more inept than Purdue.
  • So with all the top-ten teams going down to defeat this past Saturday, how come No. 1 Florida State escaped unscathed? That would not have anything to do with the fact that they played Wake Forest, would it?
  • With all the top-ten teams upset, it might have escaped the notice of many fans that unranked Northwestern also pulled off an upset over the No. 17 Wisconsin Badgers. Given the Wildcats’ mediocre performances thus far, none of us saw that one coming.
  • I cannot help but surmise that the only thing the saved Notre Dame’s bacon at home against Stanford was the positively nasty weather that no doubt threw the Cardinal a bit off their game. Otherwise, the Irish might have (indeed should have) been exposed.
  • For those of us who are waiting for the opportunity for Notre Dame to be exposed as the truly overrated team they are, mark your calendars for Nov. 8, when they play Florida State, followed by Nov. 22. On that date, they play the Louisville Cardinals. Just sayin’.

College Football Week 5 Awards September 29, 2014

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Mizzou_USC628x471(Note:  All rankings are current AP [week 5] unless otherwise noted.)

COACHES

Wish I were him: Jim Mora, UCLA

Glad I’m not him: James Franklin, Penn State

Lucky guy: Gary Pinkel, Missouri

Poor guy: Steve Spurrier, South Carolina

Desperately seeking a wake-up call: Bobby Petrino, Louisville

Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Gary Patterson, TCU

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Jeff Monken, Army

Desperately seeking … anything:  Brady Hoke, Michigan

 

TEAMS

Thought you’d kick butt, you did: No. 17 LSU (defeated New Mexico State 63-7)

Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: No. 1 Florida State (defeated NC State 56-41)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Wyoming (lost to No. 9 Michigan State 56-14)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t:  South Florida (lost to Wisconsin 27-10)

Thought you wouldn’t kick butt, you did:  Temple (defeated UConn 36-10)

Dang, they’re good: Auburn

Dang, they’re bad:  Tulane

You know, they’re not so bad:  Minnesota

Can’t Stand Prosperity:  Indiana

Did the season start?  South Carolina

Can the season end?  SMU

Can the season never endUCLA

 

GAMES

Play this again:  No. 6 Texas A&M 35, Arkansas 28 (OT)

Play this again, too:  Cal 59, Colorado 56

Never play this again: TCU 56, SMU 0

What? Northwestern 29, Penn State 6

HuhYale 49, Army 43

Are you kidding me?  Maryland 37, Indiana 15

Oh – my – GodMissouri 21, No. 13 South Carolina 20

 

NEXT WEEK

(rankings are current AP (post-week 5, pre-week 6)

Ticket to die for: No. 3 Alabama @ No. 11 Ole Miss (though you don’t want to miss No. 6 Texas A&M @ No. 12 Mississippi State, either, or No. 5 Auburn vs. No. 15 LSU, for that matter)

Best non-Power Five vs. Power Five matchup: North Texas @ Indiana

Best non-Power Five matchup: Utah State @ BYU (also, Southern Miss @ Middle Tennessee)

Upset alert: No. 14 Stanford @ No. 9 Notre Dame

Must win: Virginia Tech @ North Carolina

Offensive explosion: Arizona @ No. 2 Oregon (Thurs.)

Defensive struggle: Purdue @ Illinois

Great game no one is talking about: Louisville @ Syracuse (Fri.)

Intriguing coaching matchup: Rich Rodriquez of Arizona vs. Mark Helfrich of Oregon

Who’s bringing the body bags? Kansas @ West Virginia

Why are they playing? Marshall @ Old Dominion

Plenty of good seats remaining: Florida Atlantic @ Florida International

They shoot horses, don’t they?  SMU @ East Carolina

 

Week 5 Random Thoughts:

– Having made these types of weekly articles during the college football season for the third straight year, without a doubt, the most difficult thing to accurately predict is the “offensive explosion” game each week. This time, I got it fairly close, seeing as how the score between the Clemson vs. North Carolina game ended at 50-35, in favor of the Tigers. The only problem was, there were plenty other “offensive explosions” to choose from in hindsight, such as Florida State vs. North Carolina State (56-41), or even Cal vs. Colorado (59-53). Even the Army-Yale game kept the scoreboard lit up at 49-43, with the Bulldogs – an FCS team – beating the Black Knights, an FBS team. Still, with a combined tally of 85, the originally-designated game turned out to be a good prediction after all.

–  Just for the record, “defensive struggles” are comparatively easier to predict. At a final score of 24-10, the Iowa @ Purdue game delivered reasonably on that prognostication, though Vandy @ Kentucky bested at mark with a final score of 17-7 in favor of the Wildcats. Nevertheless, in this day and age of ubiquitous spread offenses and no-huddles, 24-10 easily qualifies as a low-scoring contest.

–  After watching Purdue slowly give the game away to Iowa at home, something occurred to me, in two parts. Yes, the Boilermakers have improved from last year, but they are still inept. Also, having your home stadium only two-thirds full for homecoming is not a good sign.

–  In case you missed the fireworks at last week’s post-game press conference, Steve Spurrier tore in to his own team…after [South Carolina] won.  Heaven knows the hell there will be to pay for the Gamecock players after coughing it up at home to Mizzou this past Saturday evening.

–  Meanwhile, on the West Coast, UCLA is on a roll right now, having thumped a respectable Arizona State team in the desert, 62-27.  Mark your calendars for Oct. 11, because if these shadows remain unchanged, the matchup between the Bruins and the Oregon Ducks on that date will be a ticket t0 die for, Pac-12 edition.

–  The powers that be at Kansas already fired Charlie Weis from the head coaching position…after only four games…and they were only 2-2 (hey give them credit:  they DID beat Southeast Missouri State and Central Michigan).  Granted, the program was, over the course of the past two to three years, headed in the wrong direction anyhow, but it still seems odd firing one’s head coach only four games into the season after a 2-2 record.  There are two take-aways from this.  One is that Charlie Weis is clearly not built to be a head coach.  He is a brilliant offensive mind, to be sure, but many men do not have what it takes to lead other men over the hill on the field of battle.  Weis is one of those of many.  In hindsight, he would have been better off staying at Florida as an offensive coordinator, as that job much more effectively plays to his strengths as a coach.  The other take-away is in regards to the questionably hasty firing.  This is Kansas, after all, and is yet another thing that explains why the program is a perpetual bottom-feeder, with this being the latest in their strategic blunders.

Week 3 College Football Awards September 16, 2014

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(Note:  All rankings are current AP [week 3] unless otherwise noted.)

Purdue v Notre DameCOACHES
Wish I were him: Steve Addazio, Boston College

Glad I’m not him: Charlie Strong, Texas
Lucky guy: Steve Spurrier, South Carolina

Poor guy: Mark Richt, Georgia
Desperately seeking a wake-up call: Bobby Petrino, Louisville
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Ruffin McNeil, East Carolina

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Steve Sarkisian, USC
Desperately seeking … anything:  Chuck Martin, Miami (Ohio)

TEAMS
Thought you’d kick butt, you did: No. 22 Ohio State (defeated Kent State 66-0)
Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: Vanderbilt (defeated UMass 34-31)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Kent State (see first line above)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t:  Colorado (lost to No. 16 Arizona State 38-24)
Thought you wouldn’t kick butt, you did:  Syracuse (defeated Central Michigan 40-3)

Dang, they’re good: Oklahoma
Dang, they’re bad:  Kansas
Can’t Stand Prosperity:  Virginia Tech

Did the season start?  Texas
Can the season end?  Eastern Michigan
Can the season never endOle Miss

GAMES
Play this again:  Bowling Green 45, Indiana 42

Play this again, too:  Middle Tennessee 50, Western Kentucky 47
Never play this again: No. 8 Baylor 63, Buffalo 21

Told you so:  Penn State 13, Rutgers 10

What? Virginia 23, No. 21 Louisville 21

HuhNo. 24 South Carolina 38, No. 6 Georgia 35

Are you kidding meEast Carolina 28, No. 17 Virginia Tech 21

Oh – my – GodBoston College 38, No. 9 USC 31

NEXT WEEK

(rankings are current AP (post-week 3, pre-week 4)
Ticket to die for (sort of):  No. 22 Clemson @ No. 1 Florida State

Best non-Power Five vs. Power Five matchup: North Carolina @ East Carolina
Best non-Power Five matchup: Middle Tennessee @ Memphis

Upset alert: Miami (Fla.) @ No. 24 Nebraska

Must win: Southern Illinois @ Purdue

Offensive explosion: No. 2 Oregon @ Washington State

Defensive struggle: Penn State @ Rutgers
Great game no one is talking about: Virginia @ No. 21 BYU

Intriguing coaching matchup: Gus Malzahn of Auburn vs. Bill Snyder of Kansas State

Who’s bringing the body bags? No. 6 Texas A&M @ SMU

Why are they playing? Troy @ No. 13 Georgia

Plenty of good seats remaining: Idaho @ Ohio U

They shoot horses, don’t they?  Eastern Michigan @ No. 11 Michigan State

Week 3 Random Thoughts:

–  Just when you think that Louisville is rolling again under second, non-consecutive term head coach Bobby Petrino (paging Grover Cleveland), the Cards lay an egg on the road.  Virginia is not that bad of a team, but that is still no excuse for all the quarterback miscues that seemed to plague U of L throughout the game, leading to the disappointing result.  Perhaps Petrino should consider playing the freshman QB?

–  Virginia Tech seems nothing if not consistent when it comes to losing games the week after winning a big one.

–  They say that football can be a game of inches.  In the case of South Carolina upsetting intra-conference and border rival Georgia, it was a game of one inch.  Period.  Well, that and a good (favorable?) spotting of the ball by the refs after 4th and one inch.

–  Perhaps Oregon might have been saving a little energy for future endeavors later this season.  How else might one explain a win over Wyoming by a score of only 48-12?  Given how well the Ducks have played thus far, you’d think the Cowboys got off easy.

–  Did Purdue acquit themselves against No. 11 Notre Dame, or are the Fighting Irish that mediocre?  In the wake of the Boilermakers embarrassing themselves at home last week to Central Michigan, coupled with ND demolishing Michigan, one would have thought that the annual in-state rivalry game would have meant utter demolition for Purdue.  Instead, the Boilers ended up leading, however briefly, in the first half, scoring two touchdowns on the Irish.  Such an effort compelled Notre Dame to increase their efforts, allowing them to gradually win over the course of the second half, 30-14.  The reason that so many people naturally incline towards the former answer is that they want to believe the Notre Dame hype (it sells, after all!).  But what we keep learning, and continue to have to keep learning over the past 10-15 years, is that Notre Dame is once again overrated.  The real question, therefore, to consider is, how bad is Michigan?

–  That being said, Notre Dame’s helmets for that game did look rather neat.  It is a long time coming that they incorporated a blue “ND” logo on to their gold shells.  The single, blue center stripe was a nice touch, too.  The jury is still out on the latitude-longitude, “globe lines” effect, though.  Moreover, I can do without that weird brocade effect on the shoulders of the jerseys.

–  Is Texas in trouble?  First, they lost ignominiously at home to BYU last week.  Then, they lose to an increasingly good UCLA team, ostensibly at a neutral site, though hardly anybody could consider the Horns playing in Dallas as playing on neutral turf, be it the Cotton Bowl or AT&T Stadium.  Yes, Jim Mora has truly breathed intensity into the Bruins program at Westwood, Calif., but there is still no excuse for such a proud, tradition-and-resource laden program as Texas to suffer two such consecutive losses.  Is Coach Strong in over his head at Austin?  It would be a very painful thing to acknowledge, to be sure.  The wise thing, at this point, is to allow the rest of the season (and how it plays out) to answer that question.

–  If we were to apply the law of transitive properties, just how badly would Syracuse beat Purdue if the two played each other right about now?

College Football Week 2 Awards September 8, 2014

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Yes, we’re back.  After having missed handing out last week’s awards due to travels abroad (having visited two, count ’em, TWO different continents in the Eastern Hemisphere!), we’re back, and as Little Richard would say, we’re ready-ready-ready to rock n’ roll!

(Note: All rankings are current AP [week 2] unless otherwise noted.)

 

COACHES
Wish I were him: Frank Beamer, Virginia Tech

Glad I’m not him: Urban Meyer, Ohio State
Lucky guy: Bo Pelini, Nebraska
Poor guy: David Shaw, Stanford
Desperately seeking a wake-up call: Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Dan Enos, Central Michigan

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Charlie Strong, Texas
Desperately seeking … anything: Chuck Martin, Miami (Ohio)

TEAMS
Thought you’d kick butt, you did: No. 9 Texas A&M (defeated Lamar 73-3)
Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: No. 19 Nebraska (defeated McNeese State 31-24)
Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: San Jose State (lost to No. 5 Auburn 59-13)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t: Memphis (lost to No. 11 UCLA 42-35)
Thought you wouldn’t kick butt, you did: No. 15 Ole Miss (defeated Vanderbilt, 41-3)

Dang, they’re good: Texas A&M
Dang, they’re bad: SMU
Can’t Stand Prosperity: Texas

Did the season start? Ohio State
Can the season end? Miami (Ohio)
Can the season never end? Oregon

GAMES
Play this again:  No. 14 USC 13, No. 13 Stanford 10
Never play this again: No. 23 Clemson 73, South Carolina State 7

What? Eastern Kentucky 17, Miami (Ohio) 10

Huh? No. 16 Notre Dame 31, Michigan 0
Are you kidding me? Virginia Tech 35, No. 8 Ohio State 21
Oh – my – God: BYU 41, Texas 7

NEXT WEEK

(rankings are current AP (post-week 2, pre-week 3)
Ticket to die for: No. 6 Georgia @ No. 21 South Carolina

Best non-Power Five vs. Power Five matchup: Nebraska @ Fresno State
Best non-Power Five matchup: New Mexico State @ UTEP

Upset alert: Tennessee @ No. 4 Oklahoma

Must win: No. 12 UCLA vs Texas

Offensive explosion: Louisiana Tech @ North Texas
Defensive struggle: Penn State @ Rutgers
Great game no one is talking about: No. 21 Louisville @ Virginia

Intriguing coaching matchup: Bret Bielema of Arkansas vs. Kliff Kingsbury of Texas Tech

Who’s bringing the body bags? Wyoming @ No. 2 Oregon

Why are they playing? No. 8 Baylor @ Buffalo

Plenty of good seats remaining: Eastern Michigan @ Old Dominion

They shoot horses, don’t they?  Boise State @ UConn

 

Week 2 Take-aways:

This week’s results do NOT bode well for the Big Ten! Where to begin?

  • For starters, Illinois had to squeak by Western Kentucky, 42-34.
  • Then there was Nebraska having to score a last-minute touchdown to beat lowly McNeese State at home, 31-24. Way to live up to that No. 19 ranking, Cornhuskers!
  • Cracks in the proverbial damn truly became evident with Purdue’s ignominious loss at home to Central Michigan – a team that the Boilermakers have historically owned – 38-17.
  • Of course, Wisconsin was supposed to make mincemeat of Western Illinois, so nothing to see there: moving on.
  • Iowa slowly plodded to victory over Ball State, 17-13; hardly an impressive win.
  • Penn State seemed to allow Akron to make a game of it, 21-3.
  • Middle Tennessee seemed to provide some challenge to Minnesota, losing to the Golden Gophers only 35-24.
  • Northern Illinois actually did beat a well-coached Northwestern team, 23-15.

The best part (“best” being used facetiously) was that it got worse as the day progressed.

  • In the evening, Notre Dame undressed Michigan, 31-0
  • Then-unranked Virginia Tech came into the Horseshoe to upset then-No 8 Ohio State in a very embarrassing way, 35-21. Are the Buckeyes that crippled without Braxton Miller?
  • At least then-No. 7 Michigan State had a valid excuse, losing late in the game, on the road, (heck, on the West Coast) to current-No. 2 Oregon. Moreover, in further defense of the Spartans, they made a good game of it for more than half of the match-up. Still, a loss is a loss.

Yes, this will really bolster the conference’s credibility with the selection committee come season’s end.

In other news, it appears as though Charlie Strong truly does have his work cut out for him at Texas. The problem with the flagship program of the Lone Star State was that it lost its intensity, that things had become both stale and too synthetic under previous head coach Mack Brown. Strong had proven that he could restore the intensity of one program already at the University of Louisville: the powers started to think that he could do the same thing at Texas. Well, evidently he has not restored enough intensity to that program. Either that, or BYU just has the Longhorns’ number, but I doubt it.

College Football Week 12 Awards November 17, 2013

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(Note:  All rankings are current AP [week 12] unless otherwise noted.)

COACHES
Wish I were him: Ed Orgeron, USC

Glad I’m not him: Mack Brown, Texas

Lucky guy: Gus Malzahn, Auburn

Poor guy: Mark Richt, Georgia

Desperately seeking a clue: Frank Solich, Ohio U
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: David Bailiff, Rice

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Al Golden, Miami (Fla.)

Desperately seeking … anything:  Sonny Dykes, Cal

TEAMS
Thought you’d kick butt, you did: Oklahoma (defeated Iowa State 48-10)
Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: Central Florida (defeated Temple 39-36)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Syracuse (lost to Florida State 59-3)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t:  Temple (lost to UCF 39-36)

Thought you wouldn’t kick butt, you did:  Bowling Green (defeated Ohio U 49-0)

Dang, they’re good: Baylor

Dang, they’re bad:  Ohio U

Can’t Stand Prosperity: Stanford

Did the season start?  Rutgers
Can the season end?  Cal

Can the season never endUSC

GAMES
Play this again:  No. 7 Auburn 43, No. 25 Georgia 38

Play this again, too:  Kansas State 33, TCU 31

Never play this again: No. 2 Florida State 59, Syracuse 3

What? Maryland 27, Virginia Tech 24, OT

HuhKansas 31, West Virginia 19

Are you kidding me?  Duke 48, No. 23 Miami 30
Oh – my – GodUSC 20, No. 4 Stanford 17

Told you so:  No. 4 Baylor 63, Texas Tech 34

NEXT WEEK

(rankings are current AP (post-week 12, pre-week 13)
Ticket to die for:  No. 4 Baylor @ No. 14 Oklahoma State

Ticket to die for, SEC edition:  No. 15 Texas A&M @ No. 12 LSU

Best non-Big Six vs. Big Six matchup: BYU @ Notre Dame

Best non-Big Six matchup: Texas State @ Western Kentucky

Upset alert: No. 18 Oklahoma @ Kansas State

Must win: No. 8 Missouri @ Ole Miss

Offensive explosion: Baylor @ Oklahoma State

Defensive struggle: Michigan @ Iowa

Great game no one is talking about: Cincinnati @ Houston

Intriguing coaching matchup: Kevin Sumlin of Texas A&M vs. Les Miles of LSU

Who’s bringing the body bags? Idaho @ No. 2 Florida State

Why are they playing? Chattanooga @ No. 1 Alabama

Plenty of good seats remaining: UConn @ Temple

Plenty of good seats remaining, Big Ten edition:  Illinois @ Purdue

They shoot horses, don’t they?  Coastal Carolina @ No. 11 South Carolina

Week 12 Random Thoughts

Okay, so this week was not big on upsets; some of the lower-tiered ones listed here were borderline reaches.  But there were some eye-popping, jaw-to-the-floor-dropping catches.  For instance, there was one flying, one-handed touchdown catch by a UCF receiver that put the Golden Knights even with Temple, and thus put them on the path to preserve their undefeated season.

A different sort of catch, but one that solidified victory was a tipped pass on 4-and-forever that just so happened to fall within reach of an Auburn receiver going deep.  Ricardo Louis managed to reach for the ball in stride and cruise to the end zone for a touchdown that caused Jordan-Hare Stadium to erupt in ecstasy.

USC, meanwhile, seems to have been rejuvenated under the leadership of Ed Orgeron.  Few experts were predicting a win over No. 4-ranked Stanford, what with the Cardinal’s hard-charging power running game.  But the Trojans’ defense help firm enough to nullify the Cardinal’s advantage, and in the end, helped produce the biggest win for USC yet this season.  In case someone might think that last statement is an exaggeration, when, might I ask in return, was the last time you saw the students rush the field at LA Coliseum this year?

Meanwhile, we all knew this week would come.  This time around, it just so happens to be Week 13 where most SEC teams have the unenviable task of being pitiless executioner to FCS fare, glorified or otherwise.   The irony is that this time around, these teams are not chump D-1AA teams.  Alabama is playing Chattanooga, who is currently 8-3.  South Carolina is to play Coastal Carolina, who is currently 10-1 (at least they’re not playing Wofford this time!).  Florida will play Georgia Southern, who might only be 6-4 in FCS play, but they’re still a traditional power at that level.  But that aside, why schedule these glorified body bag games so late in year?  Did we not get enough of these sub-par matchups in September?

Speaking of Georgia Southern, though, maybe Florida will finally be able to win a game again.  No, that is not a type-o.  The Florida Gators (yes, THE Florida Gators) are on a five-game losing streak.  Why, you might ask?  Perhaps these stats might explain a few things:  they rank 101st in the FBS in passing yardage, 82nd in rushing yards, and 112th in “points for,” meaning the total number of points their offense has scored.  Yet they rank 14th in points against.  The latter is a more-than-respectable stat; the rest of positively abysmal, especially by Florida standards.  Clearly, they have a good defense; they are just atrocious on offense.  Who is to blame?  One possibility is Will Muschamp, who is a defensive coordinator by trade before becoming the head coach in Gainesville.  Could he invest some capital in a better offensive coordinator?  That might help.  But at this point, it leaves fans and observers alike to wonder if he is the man for this sort of job.

At this point, it’s a fairly safe bet that that Florida could snap their five-game losing streak on Nov. 23; but the following week they face No. 2 Florida State.  What is the “over-under” for the Gators going 5-7 this year, Vegas?

College Football Week 1 Awards 2013 September 4, 2013

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That special time of year has come yet again, when college football teams all throughout the land knock heads to see who is the best.  Moreover, now that the first week of college football has past, it is now time to give out the first weekly awards for the year!

(NOTE:  all rankings are Week 1 AP up to “Next Week”, in which case they are for Week 2)

COACHES
Wish I were him: Dabo Swinney, Clemson 

Glad I’m not him: Mark Richt, Georgia
Lucky guy: Hugh Freeze, Ole Miss
Poor guy: James Franklin, Vanderbilt
Desperately seeking a wake-up call: Bill Snyder, Kansas State
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Kevin Wilson, Indiana

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Mike Riley, Oregon State
Desperately seeking … anything:  Rocky Long, San Diego State

TEAMS
Thought you’d kick butt, you did: No. 3 Oregon (beat Nicholls State 66-3)
Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: No. 18 Nebraska (beat Wyoming 37-34)
Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did:  Purdue (lost to Cincinnati 42-7)

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t:  North Carolina (lost to South Carolina 27-10)
Thought you wouldn’t kick butt, you did:  Indiana 73, Indiana State 35

Dang, they’re good: Alabama
Sir Charles says “They’re Turrable”:  San Diego State
Can’t Stand Prosperity:  Georgia

Did the season start?  BYU
Can the season end?  Iowa State
Can the season never endClemson

GAMES
Play this again:  No. 8 Clemson 38, No. 5 Georgia 35

Play this again, too:  Ole Miss 39, Vanderbilt 35
Never play this again: Indiana 73, Indiana State 35
What? McNeese State 53, South Florida 21
HuhEastern Illinois 49, San Diego State 17
Are you kidding me? North Dakota State 24, Kansas State 21
Oh – my – GodEastern Washington 49, No. 25 Oregon State 46
Told you so:  Western Kentucky 35, Kentucky 26

NEXT WEEK
Ticket to die for:  No. 6 South Carolina @ No. 11 Georgia
Best non-Big Six vs. Big Six matchup: Toledo @ Missouri
Best non-Big Six matchup: Idaho @ Wyoming, or Utah State @ Air Force

Upset alert: No. 14 Notre Dame @ No. 17 Michigan

Must win: Miami (OH) @ Kentucky
Offensive explosion: West Virginia @ No. 16 Oklahoma
Defensive struggle: No. 14 Notre Dame @ No. 17 Michigan
Great game no one is talking about: Syracuse @ No. 22 Northwestern

Intriguing coaching matchup:  Bobby Petrino of Western Kentucky vs. Butch Jones of Tennessee

Who’s bringing the body bags? San Diego State @ No. 2 Ohio State

Why are they playing?  Tennessee-Martin @ Boise State

Plenty of good seats remaining: South Alabama @ Tulane

They shoot horses, don’t they?  Buffalo @ Baylor

The First Week in Review:

The previous week’s “Ticket to Die For” was obviously the Georgia-Clemson game, and it lived up to its billing, remaining close and hard-fought for all four quarters.  Georgia fans do themselves and their team a disservice, however, by lamenting that their season is now in the tank and that it is time to jettison head coach Mark Richt.  Let us keep in mind that Clemson right now is on fire, and has their best offense in roughly 30 years if not the whole history of the school.  The Bulldogs losing to such a team at that moment is no disgrace.

That said, there’s no rest for the wicked regarding Georgia, for now their hated cross-border rival South Carolina comes to Sanford Stadium this next weekend.  The Bulldogs might be in danger of starting the season 0-2, which which really send the UGA faithful into a panic.

Meanwhile, Alabama is such a good team, that even with several offensive miscues throughout the game, they still handily defeated a respectable Virginia Tech squad 35-10.  Still, it was a rough week for the SEC.  As somewhat prognosticated, Washington State did give Auburn plenty to deal with in their rather narrow loss at Jordan-Hare Stadium.  Georgia’s rather heartbreaking loss in Clemson was already noted.  Kentucky lost much worse than what the score (35-26) to Western Kentucky in Nashville, Tenn.  Yes, I know that the last game mentioned is an outlier in that A, this is Kentucky we’re talking about here, not, say, LSU, South Carolina, Florida, Alabama, or even Auburn or Arkansas.  On the other side of the coin, Western Kentucky is no ordinary Sunbelt Conference team, either, as they are coached by Bobby Petrino, likely giving the Hilltoppers a decisive edge over the rest of their conference competition, or even chronic SEC cellar-dwellers for that matter.

One thing that particularly sticks out about the past week, though, was the resounding success that FCS teams had over FBS teams.  Time was — very recently — that when D-1A (pardon me, FBS) teams scheduled D-1AA (pardon me, FCS) teams for a game, it was an easy win for the former, and the latter got a relatively hefty paycheck (by their standards) to take a drubbing.  Not anymore.  Southern Utah beat South Alabama 22-21; Towson defeated UConn 33-18; North Dakota State upset Kansas State 24-21; Eastern Washington also upset Oregon State, 49-46; McNeese State thrashed South Florida, 53-21; Eastern Illinois did the drubbing on San Diego State, 40-19; if that’s not enough, Northern Iowa also beat Iowa State, 28-20.  To be sure, most of the aforementioned FCS teams (Towson, E. Washington, E. Illinois, and N. Iowa) are ranked, whereas most of their defeated FBS counterparts are, well, sucking (yet it still does not account for K-State’s or Oregon State ignominious losses).  Still, this is a powerful wake-up call that FBS vs. FCS are no longer gimme-games for the former.  We’ve been warned.

You too can put together a Top 25 CFB preseason poll! February 17, 2013

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Ever wanted to make a college football Top-25 preseason ranking but just didn’t know how?  Well, now you do!  Thanks to the hilarious writers at SBNation’s Every Day Should Be Saturday, we now have a guide at our disposal to put such a list together and look like prognostication geniuses in so doing!  I have taken the liberty of quoting the guiding text to give you reference while we play along.  The quoted text from the actual (and funny) guide page is given in italics.

1. Alabama. Look, maybe you have a perfectly strong case for some other school, but if you go off the reservation right away, the readers are going to suspect something is amiss. Stay with the pack here and, if the Tide stumble, you’ll be one of many mistaken scribes, not a distinct and lonesome idiot.

Alabama looks and sounds like a winner to me!

2. Big 12 or Big Ten team. BOOM! Because you started comfortable, those stupid readers didn’t see this knowledge roundhouse coming. Pick a team that didn’t meet expectations in 2012 and talk about how they’ll be “hungry” and “focused” because of it.

Michigan, perhaps?

3. SEC team. Mention how battle tested playing in the conference will leave this team by the end of the season. Then hedge by saying SEC play could eat them alive. SPORTSNIGMA!

Texas A&M; they’re really hot right now.  Seriously, so much for them having to get behind Arkansas like we all predicted last year!

4. Ohio State. Emphasize how good the team looked in the first year of a new system. Ignore that they barely beat Cal, Indiana, and Purdue. Clunky suggestion that Braxton Miller could be the next Tim Tebow. Obliquely suggest Urban Meyer could quit at any week for any reason.

Ohio State, and this is why I didn’t put them at the No. 2 spot like I would have otherwise.

5. Oregon or Stanford. Sh-t, you meant to put one of them higher, but that much backspacing seems like a real pain in the ass. Say something here about how you’re being cautious not to put too much stock into a big bowl performance.

Stanford, for reasons of coaching continuity.

6. Team Coming Off A Big Bowl Performance. Clemson-Louisville national championship game ahoy!

Okay, I’ll bite.  What the heck; let’s put Louisville in there for the fun of it!

7. SEC team. Which one? Any one THAT’S JUST HOW DAMN GOOD THEY ARE MAN. (Seriously, though, not Auburn.)

Seriously; definitely not Auburn!  Already put Texas A&M in there, so let’s have LSU fill this slot, shall we?  Or maybe South Carolina; yeah, definitely the Gamecocks.  They’re doing quite well right now.

8. Notre Dame. Yes, Irish fans are going to be super pissed at the perceived disrespect, but that’d be true even if you ranked ND numbers one, two, and three simultaneously. Don’t fight a losing battle. Just slot them here and suggest that they could be better off without Manti Te’o.

Notre Dame; and they might not miss Manti Te’o that much if their highly-ranked recruiting class has any teeth to it, unlike “highly-ranked” recruiting classes under Charlie Weis.

9. Oregon or Stanford (whoever you didn’t put at 5). Say something about how they’ve lost a lot of key pieces. Is it true? Players graduate, don’t they?

Oregon, for reasons of lack of coaching continuity.

10. ACC team. You’ll need to construct a paper fortune teller and write the names of four plausibly successful teams twice each. Be sure you only do it twice, because if you write out “Georgia Tech” three times on the same piece of paper Paul Johnson appears out of nowhere and insists on rearranging your pantry.

Well, we already put Louisville at No. 6, so we might as well put Florida State into this one.

11. Team that will likely have three losses before Halloween. Your obligation in preparing this ranking is not simply to come up with a sensible accounting of the top 25 teams heading into the season. It’s also to provide us with teams destined to leave unreasonable expectations unfulfilled. Who will be this year’s Arkansas? THE POWER IS YOURS!

Ole Miss, because expectations are high due to their half-way decent team from last year and No. 7-ranked recruiting class this year.

12. Team with the highest ranked recruiting class that you have not yet included. I mean, all that talent wouldn’t be going to a bad team, would it? And I bet half of them start right away! (note: I do not know how recruiting works)

I want to put Florida here, because they’ve got the No. 4-ranked recruiting class, and I’ve got to stick ‘em somewhere!  But, skip down to No 14, and you’ll find out that cannot be done, according to this system.  So, we’ll put in Oklahoma.

13. This is exhausting. You really deserve a lemonade, and maybe even an oatmeal cookie. I mean, people bitch about preseason rankings, but then they lap them right up like hungry dogs. Do they not understand how market forces work? Oh, um, Michigan State. Whatever.

Georgia;  gotta stick ‘em somewhere.

14. Florida. “Will Muschamp is driving a truck with a great engine and no brake pads. Will Muschamp is eating a sandwich with meat and no bread. Will Muschamp is developing a model that explains how light behaves like a particle but not as a wave.” Metaphor them to death in this middle section.

Okay, NOW we’re allowed to put Florida in there.

15. School that was good six years ago and has stunk since. Because these things are cyclical, or something.

USC, anybody?

16. Team stocked with seniors that have mostly underachieved up to this point. They just want it more, man. That’s why they’re fighting in spring practice. Out of love.

Michigan State, perhaps?

17. Big 12 team with a miserably weak non conference schedule. Basically, this is between Texas Tech, West Virginia, Kansas, and Kansas State. Kansas is out for reasons of being Kansas, so just pick one of the other three and feel like a genius up to, but not beyond, Week 5.

West Virginia is the safest pick out of the three, at least through Week 5.  After Week 5, it might be Texas Tech.  Just sayin’.

18. Big East team. Start out by noting that the conference had a better bowl winning percentage last year than the every other AQ conference. Pretend you knew that Memphis was joining this year without looking. Realize that the team you pick could join the ACC before this gets published. Shrug, and continue trying to beat Jetpack Joyride.

Cincinnati, because after U of L, UC is the only Big East team that comes to mind, and goodness knows what could happen with Tommy Tuberville at the helm.

19. Team that was terrible but hired a trendy coach. You’ve already won me over, Cal, in spite of me.

Okay, let’s go with Cal.  Let me waste another space on something ridiculous, why don’t you!

20. School from a non AQ conference. Again, this is mostly an exercise in antagonizing fans, so just find a Mountain West or MAC team that could plausibly win eight games and put them here. Then say something snide about the Big Ten.

Ah, so THIS is where you put in Boise State!

21. Scandium. Don’t think it belongs here? Check your atomic numbers, clown.

Okay, now they’re being downright silly.  Not funny, just silly.  Let’s go with LSU.

22. Team with a coach on the hot seat. If you’re not sure who qualifies, just pick any coach that hasn’t won a conference title in the last two years and say he’s on the hot seat.

Texas, because even though I love Mack Brown as a person, he ought to be on the hot seat after three consecutive seasons of underperformance.

23. Almost there! Pick any team, say this is a make-or-break season for the program, and move forward.

Auburn, because after the horrible year they had last season, we’ll now see how quickly they can bounce back.

24. Duke.

Are you kidding me?  Alright, we’ll play along for the funny hell of it.

25. Team that barely made a bowl last year. “Trial by fire has made them stronger” sounds way more optimistic than “holy sh– they needed a punt return touchdown to beat Sweet Valley High.”

Heck, Purdue barely made it to a bowl game last year, but I’m certainly not putting them at No. 25!  I’d put somebody like Nebraska in there, but I don’t know if it fits the template.  Screw it; I’ll put Nebraska in anyway.

Now, let us see how this ranking plays out, according to the above formula:

  1. Alabama
  2. Michigan
  3. Texas A&M
  4. Ohio State
  5. Stanford
  6. Louisville
  7. South Carolina
  8. Notre Dame
  9. Oregon
  10. Florida State
  11. Ole Miss
  12. Oklahoma
  13. Georgia
  14. Florida
  15. USC
  16. Michigan State
  17. West Virginia
  18. Cincinnati
  19. Cal
  20. Boise State
  21. LSU
  22. Texas
  23. Auburn
  24. Duke (groan!)
  25. Nebraska

I know, I know; LSU is ranked way too low, and it bothers the heck out of me, too.  Just for fun, let us compare this with the current 2013 AP preseason Top 25 poll:

  1. Alabama (no surprise there!)
  2. Oregon
  3. Ohio State
  4. Notre Dame
  5. Texas A&M
  6. Georgia
  7. Stanford
  8. South Carolina
  9. Florida
  10. Florida State
  11. Clemson
  12. Kansas State
  13. Louisville
  14. LSU  (beats not being ranked at all!)
  15. Oklahoma (I knew they were overvalued!)
  16. Utah State (there had better be a darn good reason for this!)
  17. Northwestern (quite plausible, actually)
  18. Boise State (are you sure you want them that high, AP?)
  19. Texas
  20. Oregon State
  21. San Jose State (huh?)
  22. Northern Illinois (I guess they felt compelled to stick a MAC team somewhere)
  23. Vanderbilt (also plausible; have you seen their recruiting class lately?)
  24. Michigan
  25. Nebraska

For starters, I’m really regretting sticking Michigan in that No. 2 slot, but the formula called for a Big Ten team, and Ohio State was already locked in to No. 4; what was I to do?  The Florida State ranking, though, seems pretty spot-on, and many others (Alabama, Ohio State, Texas A&M, Stanford, South Carolina, and Nebraska are within one or two rankings).  Yes, it’s all in fun and jest, to be sure, but it shows that sometimes these whacky formulas work, other times, not so much.  And it still sticks in my craw that it compelled me to under-value the Bayou Bengals, and grossly over-value Michigan.

Bowl Game “Categories” December 11, 2012

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COACHES: (following Week 15)

Lucky Guy:  Ken Niumatalolo, Navy

Poor Guy:  Rich Ellerson, Army

TEAMS:

Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t:  Navy

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t:  Army

UPCOMING BOWL GAMES:

Ticket to die for:  No. 1 Notre Dame vs. No. 2 Alabama in the BCS National Championship, Miami, Jan. 7

Best non-Big Six vs. Big Six matchup: Nevada vs. Arizona in the New Mexico Bowl, Dec. 15

Best non-Big Six matchup: East Carolina vs. Louisiana-Lafayette in the New Orleans Bowl, Dec. 22

Upset alert: No. 16 Nebraska over No. 7 Georgia in the Capital One Bowl (formerly the Citrus Bowl), Orlando, Fla., Jan. 1 (the reasons for this possibility are to be explained in a subsequent article).

Old Rivals Reunite:  No. 9 Texas A&M vs. No. 11 Oklahoma in the Cotton Bowl, Dallas (Arlington), Jan. 4    Also:  West Virginia vs. Syracuse in the Pinstripe Bowl, Bronx, N.Y., Dec. 29

Home Field Advantage:   Vanderbilt vs. North Carolina State in the Music City Bowl, Nashville, Tenn., Dec. 31

Must win:  Pitt vs. Ole Miss (both 6-6) in the BBVA Compass Bowl, Birmingham, Ala., Jan. 5

Offensive explosion: Baylor vs. No. 17 UCLA in the Holiday Bowl, San Diego, Dec. 27

Defensive struggle: possibly none.  Then again, possibly TCU vs. Michigan State in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Tempe, Ariz., Dec. 29.

Great game no one is talking about: Mississippi State vs. No. 20 Northwestern in the Gator Bowl, Jacksonville, Jan. 1

Intriguing coaching matchup:  Ken Niumatalolo of Navy vs. Todd Graham of Arizona State in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl, San Francisco, Dec. 29

Intriguing Lack-of-Coach matchup:  No. 25 Kent State vs. Arkansas State in the GoDaddy.com Bowl, Mobile, Ala., Jan. 6

Who’s bringing the body bags? No. 21 Louisville vs. No. 3 Florida in the Sugar Bowl, New Orleans, Jan. 2               Also:  See next item below!

Why are they playing? No. 15 Northern Illinois vs. No. 12 Florida State in the Orange Bowl, Miami, Jan. 1

Plenty of good seats remaining: Rice vs. Air Force in the Armed Forces Bowl, Fort Worth, Texas, Dec. 29

They shoot horses, don’t they?  USC vs. Georgia Tech in the Sun Bowl, El Paso, Texas, Dec. 31

ArmyNavy2012-1When it comes to the bowl games themselves, plenty more humorously-talented writers than I have taken their stab at wryly skewering most of the matchups.  Perhaps the best example of this would be the talented folks at everydayshouldbesaturday.com, who have done just that regarding the aforementioned skewering.

Having said that, a brief pause is in order for the Army-Navy game this past weekend, for it was a viewing pleasure.  The game was the best of this storied match-up in recent memory; big plays on both sides, a close score throughout the game, and lots of heart and extra efforts on both sides of the ball.  It was a darn shame one of them had to lose, especially Army, who lost in heartbreaking fashion after fumbling the ball with only 15 yards and a minute to go before scoring a touchdown to otherwise win the game.  Instead, the Midshipmen have triumphed over the Black Knights for the 11th year in a row (!).  But the game was also a viewing pleasure from a uniforms aesthetics standpoint, too.  The gold in Army’s helmets was a true old gold, and harkened directly back to the glory days of Doc Blanchard and Glenn Davis.  Why don’t they use that gold in their helmets all the time today?  The WWII maps in their jersey numbers and black helmet stripe was a way-cool touch, too!  Meanwhile, Navy’s tri-tone white helmet was awesome to behold.  Chrome-gold on blue on white is something never before seen at any major level of football; congrats to the Middies for this new innovation in artistic helmet design!